Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
