You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
