81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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