mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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