Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
