Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got inside last night via doggy door
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
