My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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