I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
