Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
