I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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