so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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