I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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