how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
two words...techno handjob
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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