I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
