her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
