Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
