Will you blow on my dice?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
