The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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