perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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