Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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