she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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