you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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