I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
