I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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