wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
