Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Randomize
