ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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