Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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