so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
