Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
