An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
