take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
