My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
