i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
