Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
