Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
