My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
