You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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