i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He is an equal opportunity slut.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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