I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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