Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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