Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
