I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
