Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
