I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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