are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
