Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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