Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
