Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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