I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
