I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
