i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i've created a new STD.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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