I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
